Useful Time

I didn't expect that getting on the wait list would actually be hard...really tough. For 2 1/2 years we've been actively working on expanding our family, and when we got on the wait list that was officially the end of our active work. Wait. Now we just wait. For maybe a year or more, wait.

I didn't expect the tsunami of emotion that came with what I thought would be good news. So, I called a friend. My dear friend, Erin, is on the same journey that we're on, but they've been dreaming of adoption for a decade and have been on a wait list for a year. She gets it. She gets me. Over tacos and sitting next to her 4 year old son playing Star Wars on PS2, Erin passionately, convincingly shared how she's committed to being on this wait list as "useful time". Nothing is wasted to God, especially waiting. Erin pointed me - as she has countless other times throughout our journey - back to truth. She reminded me that during her own waiting she has actively read, learned, prayed, talked with people, advocated for adoption/foster care, and served. She has not wasted this past year.

Erin also reminded me that sadness and growth can co-exist. Just because I'm missing my babies, lamenting our separation DOES NOT MEAN that I am not growing. Contrary, I am expanding daily. And I am committed to not get stuck in my sadness but to make the most of these days of waiting and absorb the good and the bad.

I don't know what I'd do without Erin and many other friends who've walked closely with me over the past 2 1/2 years. If it weren't for them, I fear how much time I would have wasted thus far. Thank you, dear friends.

I will use this time well.