A Look Back at Our Infertility Journey

Scrolling back in my computer for another document, I stumbled upon these words tonight. They screamed of my brokenness and God's faithfulness in our lives. So, I wanted to share. Please, if someone you know is currently in the mess of infertility, share our journey with them. As my friend Kelly said repeatedly, "this is not the end".

The following is unedited nearly 4 years later...


Infertility Journey Timeline

4 May 2009


August 2001

  • We got married!!!  Got married young, so we totally didn’t want to have kids for 3-5 years…

  • And throughout the past couple years, we keep getting the question “when do you guys want to have babies?” more & more frequently.  For a long time we shrugged off the question because we’ve loved our life together.  Our motto was, “once a parent, always a parent.  So let’s take advantage of this time that we’ll never get alone together again.”  And we’re glad we made that decision!
Circa 2003

  • Told a friend of mine, “I wonder if we’ll adopt a baby from Africa before we have our own kids?”  God planted that dream in our heart for a purpose.
July 2007

  • 6 years later…Officially trying to get pregnant!
January 2008                

  • After about 6 months of confusing responses from my body, I decided to see my doctor.  I was sensing there was a problem with my body…things weren’t working right.
Good Friday 2008

§  Diagnosis of my infertility [PCOS], the #1 cause of infertility in women

§  Let the treatment begin!  My doctor was very optimistic that we could get pregnant.  She said most couples get pregnant within a year of trying.  If it’s longer than that, that’s what diagnoses you with an infertility issue.  While the news of my PCOS was shocking and sharp pain, we still really believed we could conquer this in no time. 

§  Brian and I talked about our “limits” with treatment.  We knew that we didn’t want to financially invest in costly treatments because of our heart/calling for adoption.  We would rather financially invest into an adoption then risky, unsure medical treatments.

§  We had no idea what lay ahead…


March-August 2008

§  Medical treatment with my OB [doctor appointments, blood tests, HSG, multiple meds, 20+ ultrasounds]

§  Did some sort of treatment or test nearly every week during that time period

§  My body seemed to be responding pretty well to the procedures

§  No answers as to why I couldn’t get pregnant during these 5 months

§  Obviously an emotional roller coaster.  Besides the stress and pain of our inability to get pregnant, the meds sent me on a hormone roller coaster.  Plus, it was a “baby boom” everywhere I looked.  A constant reminder of what I could not have.

§  Still, Brian and I were always on the same page.  One of the decisions we made was that whenever the costs to get pregnant became stretching, we would start the adoption process.  Initially, we gave ourselves until the end of 2008 to get pregnant. Otherwise, we would start the adoption process.  But we also said we would follow the suggested medical treatments until the financial part limited us.

§  March: Started reading When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd.  It’s all about our soul’s transformation throughout pain and active waiting.  It nourished and sustained me; giving new language to God’s word and my experiences. 

  • May: This was also the time that I stepped into Noah’s Place full-time.  “Reluctant leader” and “painful adaption” don’t even begin to describe my soul.


August 2008

§  My OB told me, “There’s nothing else I can do for you.  I need to refer you to an infertility specialist.” 

§  God gave me a conversation with a good friend of ours [Loc Ta], and he told us that his friend is a well-respected specialist.  We called him, and immediately God opened the door for us to see him. 

§  Hope was renewed and we didn’t feel forgotten.


Sept 2008-Feb 2009

§  3 IUI (inter uterine insemination) cycles; produced over mature 20 eggs total; Never got pregnant

§  Sunday, February 15th after I moderated the Newsong services (with David Ruis) was when I found out the last IUI failed.  Brian got the phone call and told me when I got home from church.  I felt something break inside of me, and I knew I had nothing left to give to this process. 

§  My infertility doctor said there were no foreseen reasons I never got pregnant, and that medically IVF was our next step.  Brian and I knew that we wouldn’t go for IVF.

§  At the end of February, Brian and I started talking about “when” to start the adoption process.  God laid a series of conversations in front of us that affirmed the time to begin was now.


March 2, 2009

§  We submitted our application to CWA to adopt a baby girl from Ethiopia!! 

§  Almost immediately started experiencing healing, hope, and joy in new ways.

§  We are adopting because of calling, conviction, compassion, and commitment.  Calling: years ago there was a dream and it was confirmed in Kenya.  Conviction: God’s calling to care for the widow and orphans; We can!  Compassion: our heart breaks for the needs of African children.  Commitment: to be a 3rd culture family.


May 2009

§  Seriously, to date this has been the most painful and most transformational experience of my life.  The butterfly necklace I wear daily speaks to the cocooning, dying, and rebirth that I’ve experienced throughout this journey [Brian bought it for my 29th birthday]. 

§  It has also radically changed our marriage – bringing healing, understanding, comfort, and intimacy like we’ve never experienced before.  This has been the most strengthening and healing circumstance we’ve ever experienced as a couple!

§  We are in the home study portion of our adoption process, hoping to bring home Baby Ethiopia within the next 9-11 months.


October 20, 2010

§  One the waitlist with CWA to bring home TWO little ones from Ethiopia