Of Your Own

As an adoptive momma and (now) a bio momma, there are a handful of thoughtless, "harmless" comments that prick me from time to time. The one that stings that most is "of your own".

In the minds of some, there is a slight difference between your biological child and your adoptive child. Surely, they would never say that it's different, but it leaks out, unassumingly. Over the past year, since pregnancy and Asher's birth, someone will say, "You have one of your own and two adopted?" They don't mean any harm. They don't even know what they're saying is hurtful - nay offensive! - but it's another wound my Judah and Addise have to bear.

"Of your own". They mean "biological", but it's received as they are not your own. They are other. They are not as much mine as the child that carries my DNA. That simple phrase is heard like the child I carried in my womb is somehow more mine than the children I carried in my heart. Those three words passively communicate that they are a little outside of our family.

I swear, every time those words are spoken I force a smile and constrain my hand from backslapping their oblivious face. I will tears away from my eyes. I demand graciousness out of my mouth, not rebuke and correction. I hate those words for Asher's sake. I hate them for Judah and Addise's sake. The love I have for my children is the same (I blogged about that here).

Maybe I should let my hand fly and words burst out for my three kids' sake - and all the adopted kids of the world. But I restrain partially because of my people pleasing addiction, partially because I would probably emote nonsensical words, and partially because I know they don't mean harm by it.

But please, please, if you know an adoptive family, please never use those words with them. And if you have accidentally, go back and apologize to that beautiful family. Because the Judah and Addise's of this world need to feel more "of my own" than any other. They need to feel woven into the fabric of a family, not hanging off like a loose button. Kids who've experienced loss, abandonment, rejection, and numerous transitions deserve to feel grafted to a mommy (and daddy) who love them like they are bones of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Their families need to be safe places of healing, not places where their wounds fester and grow.

My own children need it. Their healing requires it.

Parenting is Wonder-FULL!

A few months ago, my friend Holly Delich from the REthink Group / Orange contacted me about a new book she was commissioned to write with her mom. She told me they were writing a book for parents and described it like this...

This is not a how-to book for new parents. It's a how-it's-been-done book for new parents. It's not a book for your bookshelf, but for your coffee table.

It's not just our words, but multiple families' stories and photos.

It's not for those wearing rose-colored glasses, but with sleep deprived eyes instead.

This book is not for the perfect family. This book is for YOUR family.

Parenting. It's not easy, but it's...

Full of Love.

Full of God.

Full of Wonder.

Then, she asked if she could share our family's story in the book! She wanted to share our story as an encouragement and inspiration to others whose families have been built in unexpected ways. Of course, we said YES! She wrote up a beautiful 1-page story on how God's Plan A has unfolded in our lives.

Last week I got a copy of the book and it is totally wonderful (pun intended!). It's super creative, energizing, inspiring, entertaining, and practical. Our story and family picture is featured at the end of the book (alongside a few other totally captivating families) and there's even a full-page picture of Addise in the beginning of the book.

I hope this book and our story is encouraging and helpful for others. We are so grateful - not just to be highlighted in this book - but for the beyond-comprehensible story God's writing in our family.

If you want to get a copy to remind yourself of how wonder-full parenting is meant to be or you want a great gift for a friend or you just want to see the Diaz family feature story, you can buy it HERE.

Parenting truly is full of wonder, even on the days when it doesn't feel like it at all.

February In Review

What a month it's been. I'm humored that it's Leap Year tomorrow because it has felt like we've fit in at least one more day this month than is normally calendared. Referencing a quote referring to parenting little ones feels very apropos: "the days go slow and the years go so fast".

Here are a few of the highlights from our past 28 days...

The month began with a brave and committed attempt to potty train our first two children. With carpets lined with plastic and counter-tops filled with fun drinks and celebration treats, we began potty training first thing Saturday morning.  Judah was a superstar and was literally potty trained by his nap. Since then, he's only had a couple accidents and stays dry most every nap and overnight. His confidence, independence, and overall joy-factor has increased exponentially. So have ours. Addise is another story. Our strong willed daughter had no problem peeing all over herself and standing in her urine. Un-phased. We quit potty training her in about 24 hours after she proved no interest or desire to follow her brother's lead. Hopefully we'll get her taken care of before baby #3 enters the party.

You can tell Judah is already so proud (and modest). PS. his shirt says, "my dad's tattoos are cooler than yours". My mom bought him this shirt. Awesome.

Capri Sun 100% Juice was a great incentive!

So proud of him! Thomas the Train undies are his favorite. Mommy's favorite are Paul Frank undies.

Shortly after our potty training failure, our baby girl turned two years old. She's still topping the height and weight charts, as is her daily word count. We decided to celebrate her birthday by renewing our Disneyland annual passports and spending a couple days there as a family. Seeing the happiest place on earth through the eyes of our kids is truly magical!

Our beautiful giant on her birthday holding her "big" brother's hand. Poofs and all.

After riding "It's a Small World" at Disney. Fitting for our multi-cultural family.

Love her buttery skin, expressive eyes, and ever-moving mouth.

Exploring her blocks from Grandma and Grandpa. LOVE them.

We also were gifted by a friend with a photo shoot to capture Addise's 2nd birthday and our 1 year anniversary as a family. We went to Balboa Pier on the ocean and had a blast snapping pics of our crazy kiddos on a sunny, warm February Friday.

Loving each other on the pier

Like father like son

How do you put a caption to this??

Oh, yeah. And I'm now 6 months pregnant with our son. This has undeniably been the best month of pregnancy. Of course, I'm still exhausted and uncomfortable at any given moment, but I'm grateful to feel our son kick to his heart's delight. Last night I felt his hiccups for the first time. He also is very fond of digging into my ribs. I'm less fond of this. My pregnancy app says he's now 2 pounds and 10+ inches long. I'm dreaming of him exiting the womb with a head full of dark curls like his daddy and praying some Puerto Rican genes win out. In other news, I'm losing my belly button at an alarming rate, all my shoes are cutting off circulation, and rolling my body out of our Honda Civics is proving more difficult by the day. Perhaps the most entertaining pregnancy news was the overnight swelling of my ring finger. For 5 days I diligently attempted to remove my rings with every known technique and product. To no avail. Finally, I went to a jewelers per my grandmother's urging and they CUT OFF my engagement and wedding rings. The jeweler affirmed those babies had to get off STAT.

Before.

After. Yes, my finger is bruised.

I also began registering for baby #3 and shockingly realized that I have now registered for MORE items for our newborn/infant son, than I did for Judah and Addise combined. What?!?! The amount of "stuff" required for a breastfeeding infant is a bit overwhelming.

Brian's birthday and Valentine's Day also went celebrated as we got two date nights this month. What a gift!

Throughout the month I've also been doing some mad research on a couple major purchases that need to be made in the before labor and delivery. Due to 3 kids in car seats for the next several years, we have to move from a Honda Civic to a minivan. Yes. It's true. However, I'm getting quite excited about this purchase as my bulging body and growing toddlers are oozing out of our economy car. We are also exploring remodeling our master bathroom to include a stackable washer-dryer unit. The amount of laundry we do without an infant is mind-boggling and has become unmanageable in a shared laundry room. In an 1100 sq ft condo, we are having to maximize every square inch of our space. We are praying for some divine miracles in these two purchases and trusting God to provide exactly what our family needs. We've already seen him move in extraordinary ways and believe he'll do it once again.

So, that's our month in review. Celebration. Preparation. Anticipation. Here's to March...