Locusts, Omni Hotel, and Redemption

I want to remember everything God says to me. Every date. Every detail. Every lesson. Everything. This past week, God graced me to remember and learn something profoundly transformational.

Three years ago last weekend Brian and I went down to San Diego to spend a weekend together. We planned this getaway with the hopes of celebrating a pregnancy. We scheduled this weekend after our final round of clomid [infertility drugs], trusting that we'd use this time to privately celebrate a positive pregnancy test. Instead, we went to San Diego to grieve. We received a negative pregnancy test. Another one. We had already tried to get pregnant for over a year and had spent the previous 8 months in test after test after treatment after treatment. And we had received disappointment after disappointment.

So, three years ago we packed up our broken hearts and drove down to the Omni Hotel in San Diego to mourn together. Brian remembers me crying a lot. What was supposed to be a weekend of celebration turned into a weekend of heartache.

Somewhere in the midst of my infertility treatment, one of my spiritual gurus, Ed, told Brian and me that he believed Joel 2:25 for us - that God would repay us for the years the locusts [infertility] have eaten [stolen]. Ed told us that this verse translated properly from the Hebrew meant that the God of all time, who knows no time, yet works within our understanding of God would GIVE BACK everything from the years of devastation from what the locusts had stolen. Somehow, in only a way God can, he would restore and make up for lost time. I didn't really believe him but I thought it was a good thing to believe about God.

Fast forward to this week - 3 years later. Brian and I once again packed up our car with suitcases, a diaper bag, strollers, and umpteen bags to head to San Diego on our annual Newsong staff retreat [now reenvisioned as the XEALOT Alliance Retreat]. We also strapped in our 3 year old son and 18 month old daughter.

Literally, we were almost to San Diego when it all hit me. Same weekend. Three years later. Same hotel. Our two beautiful Ethiopians falling asleep in the back seat. Redemption. The craziest part is that our annual staff retreat is never this weekend, we've never stayed at the Omni, and it's been in several other cities over the years, and Brian has never come with me on a staff retreat before. It was like God planned out the specific details of this retreat just for us. Grace poured out!!!

God redeemed time! Little did we know when we were grieving at the Omni the last weekend of August 2008 that a little boy named Abebayehu was 7 weeks old in a remote village in Awassa, Ethiopia. While we grieved. He nursed. While I cried, Judah cried too. While I was too immersed in my own pain, God was working a miracle behind the scenes that was immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine [Ephesians 3:20-21].

It's just like God to l.i.t.e.r.a.l.l.y give us back those years in the person of Judah Abebayehu. Only God. What the enemy intended to harm us with, God intended for good [Genesis 50]. Something deep shifted in my spirit this week to know - mind and heart - that when we grieve or are confused or in pain or just plain wandering, imagine what God is doing behind the scenes. He is working all things together for good [Romans 8:26-28] and making ALL things new. God doesn't give us his leftovers or hand-me-downs or even just polish the old to make it look new. He gives us brand new gifts because of his great love for us.

Even when we are angry with God or not even paying attention to him, he is graciously forming something beautiful. He is the most exquisite story-teller. Is he not?

"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

   Glory to God in the church!
   Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!
   Glory down all the generations!
   Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!"

Happy Birthday, Son!

Today is our son's 3rd birthday. I keep reading that sentence. Our son's birthday. Judah Abebayehu is a miracle beyond miracles in our life. And I cannot believe that we have a 3 year old son.

We were first introduced to Judah on August 16th, 2010 [you can read that entire post HERE]. He was 25 months and 18 pounds. He entered the orphanage only a couple weeks after his second birthday. Even now, emotion wells up thinking about his first 2 years of life that I will never know anything about. Just 1 year ago, he turned 2 years old and only God knows what his life was truly like. Speechless.

My first public thoughts about my son were:
"We have 13 pictures of him, including a picture of him with his birth mom. He has enormous, almond shaped eyes. Luscious full lips. His 2 front teeth remind me of Chiclets. He looks peaceful, shy, and sweet. There are a couple pictures where he has shoes on his feet and he looks a little off-kilter wearing shoes for the first time in his life. His skin is like coffee with creamer! Soooooo cute! He'll be a heart-breaker. We ooooh-ed and ahhh-ed forever looking at his pictures for the first time."


This was one of the first pictures we saw of him. He had 8 teeth at 2 years old. He was teeny but generally healthy. Immediately I was drawn to the depth in his eyes and the smirk on his face. It was a sign of all to come.

In November we met Judah and instantly fell in love. One of my first comments was, "Judah is super observant, absorbing everything around him. Sounds like his daddy..."

It was clear he was grieving - sad, quiet, cuddly, and yet with a strong sense of humor and desire to laugh. With the passing of court on 11/11/10, we named him Judah Abebayehu Diaz. His name is full of blessing, promise, and calling...

JUDAH ABEBAYEHU: Judah is from the Old Testament [Genesis 29]: the tribe of the Lion of Judah, Jesus. His name means "praise". After such a season of grieving and loss for us, "praise" is what we give to God for the gift of our son. The Lion of Judah is also a primary metaphor in Ethiopia - rich in meaning for Ethiopians! We drove past the monument in downtown Addis Ababa. Brian has a tattoo of the Lion of Judah on his left forearm, a reminder of who Christ is to us. For years we've loved this name and had no idea what deep meaning it carried for our Ethiopian son. Abebayehu [ah-beh-BAH-u], Lil' A, is his birth name. In Amharic, his name means "my flower" and has a connection to the capital city of his birth country, Addis Abeba, by some spellings.

We brought home our 2 1/2 year old son on January 15, 2011. We struggled a lot those first few months - intense grieving and loss, frequent tantrums mixed with "terrible 2's", communication struggles, food transitions, sleep fear, a strong will, and more. But we loved him so much. He was ours and he was a gift.

My first post exclusively about Judah was HERE. I was pretty right on in my early assessment of my son's personality. But over the past 6 months that we've been home, his personality and personhood have EXPLODED with growth. Here a few signs...

• His vocabulary is exponentially increasing. He'll repeat everything. He's so proud of himself when he learns a new word. One of his favorite words is "frog" but it comes out sounds exactly like the "other f word". {sigh}
  
• He's remarkably smart. Everyone comments on it. One day last week he just started counting, "one, two, three, four, five, six, nine, seven, nine..." Best part of my day. My mom taught him the 4 primary colors one night at dinner. And he remembered the next day! He's crazy eager to learn and repeat and ask "what's this?"
  
• Teeth and Hair :: he came to us with 8 teeth and he's only missing 1 or 2 teeth today. In fact, as a birthday present, he gets to see the dentist today. Ha! His hair has filled in, too. It's soft and curly and there's LOTS of it.
  
• Weight :: though he's still a peanut [technically weighing a few less ounces than his baby sister], he's put on at least 1 pound per month in the past 11 months. He's little but he can hold his own. He's mostly wearing 2T clothes...phew.
  
• Personality :: he is a goofball, strong-willed, an entertainer, an excellent helper, generally sweet to Addise, opinionated, wants everything to be a game, willing to be corrected and helped. We've seen his personality bloom the more he feels bonded to us and safe. This may be my favorite post about the emerging character and heart of our son.
• Sleep :: what used to take us 30+ painstaking minutes to put him to sleep, is now only a few minutes of snuggling and prayers. After 4+ months in our bedroom, he now sleeps in his room and most nights kisses us goodnight then confidently says "bye-bye, night-night" while waving us out of the room. Miraculous.
  
• Affectionate :: he is a kisser and a hugger. When he's disciplined or hurt, he wants to be close. He seeks reconciliation and connection, even after he's corrected. When we get hurt, he wants to kiss the "owie". One morning this week when I left for work I kissed him goodbye, told him I loved him, and he [unprompted] replied, "Love you, mommy. Bye bye."
  

Judah's growth and progress is maybe THE most rewarding thing in our lives. It's astounding us how much he's changed in the 6 months that he's been home, loved, in a family.

I'm wild about my son these days. He's such a little Brian and FULL of life. Of course he pushes
us to our limits and challenges our authority and makes me crazy, but he's becoming more of who he was created to be. Grieving is mostly behind him and JOY is ahead of him. He brings us so much joy. We laugh at his antics, marvel at his growth, and simply enjoy him immensely.

So what are we doing to celebrate his birthday? Stay tuned. This post was solely to celebrate his life.

Judah, we love you beyond words. You are our son and we are wildly grateful that God chose YOU out of all the little boys in the world to be our son. God knew we needed you. Happy Birthday, buddy!

Father's Day Shout Out

All of what I wanted to say to Brian about the wonder that is his fathering, I said to him privately [cuz that's how he rolls!]. But I will publicly say that it's miraculous how God so brilliantly chose Judah and Addise to be our children. They fit supernaturally into our hearts, personality, strengths, brokenness, and home.

I knew that Brian would be an amazing father someday, and he is. He exceeds my expectations and I'm speechless at how he's learning to parent by also being parented by our God. He's a remarkable man, and I could not be more in love with this man.

Happy Father's Day, baby!
On another note, I am equally grateful for my Daddy. He is the older, boy version of me. I learned how to change a tire, change my oil, swear, burp, and stand on my own two feet in a man's world [his fatherly goal raising his only daughter] from him. But I also learned obedience to Jesus, sense of humor despite circumstances, hard work, passion, commitment to family, and risk. It's because of having a great father [and mother!] that I could recognize the making of a good father in Brian 13+ years ago. Happy Father's Day, Pops. Love you.

Priceless picture of me with 3 generations of men from my family!