Expecting the Unexpected

There were a lot of things that we expected when we brought home Judah and Addise 11 months ago. Getting pregnant was not one of those things. SURPRISE - WE ARE PREGNANT! We are expecting a baby and it's completely unexpected! We are currently at 12 weeks.

Ok. Pick your jaw up off the floor. Grab a Kleenex box. Catch your breath. And shout out a couple desperate prayers for us. Then, read on [if you dare] for the saga that has been our Fall.

If you've been reading our story for long, you know that adopting Judah and Addise was our family's PLAN A. God planted that dream in our hearts long ago. However, we expected to have biological children before adopting. Making a deeply long and painful story short, after three years of trying to get pregnant - including over a year of extensive and intensive infertility treatment - we decided to start the adoption process. You can read much of our story on our blog [TIP: search "pain" for many of those posts].

Since becoming Judah and Addise's parents, we have been BLISSFULLY HAPPY. Complete. Whole. The old dream of having biological children had all but disappeared. Most days it feels like I birthed J & A because I so fully know I'm their momma. And then I remember they're black and I'm not. :)

Then, in mid-September I had a DREAM. I don't often dream and remember. But this felt like a dream from God. It was simple: I dreamed I was pregnant and it culminated in a baby. I woke up terrified. I didn't tell Brian because it freaked me out. A couple weeks later we were out on a date and I casually said, "Hey, just so ya know, I had a dream that we were pregnant. And it felt like a God-dream. It's probably nothing, but just in case something happens, I want you to know." What followed was a very brief and freaked out conversation.

As it turned out, I was barely pregnant when I had that dream.

A couple weeks later, I started wondering if something was going on with my body. Too many ODD THINGS HAPPENING IN MY BODY. So, I took a home pregnancy test and it turned positive right away [October 13th]. I immediately called Brian to the bathroom. We stared at the test together and had no words. I had never received a positive pregnancy test before. Scores of negative tests, but never a positive. We freaked out. Brian laughed nervously. Shortly after we took another test. It was like that second line couldn't appear fast enough. I felt light-headed. There are not appropriate words in the English language to describe my emotions that night or in the days that followed.

Needless to say, it's been an EMOTIONAL 6 WEEKS since we first took that pregnancy test and first heard our baby's heartbeat [October 17]. Honestly, I've been grieving and surrendering and embracing our new reality WAY MORE than simply celebrating. It's been messy. I will blog more about this soon, so please hold your judgment until I can explain this unlikely reaction. I will say that after seeing our baby at our most recent appointment, there was much delight and joy from Brian and me. I'm starting to get excited about Judah and Addise's baby brother/sister. And I'm starting to embrace my bulging body. :)

One of the reasons I've been wrestling is because of the "PREGNANCY-AFTER-ADOPTION MYTH". We've expected to hear "we knew you'd get pregnant after you brought those babies home". The truth is that less than 10% of couples who struggle with infertility then adopt EVER get pregnant [many stats place odds around 3-8% and the stats don't budge based on adoption or not]. Ultimately, I feel very sensitive for couples currently experiencing infertility AND protective over J & A never feeling 2nd choice. I will say this until I die: I'm profoundly grateful God chose this path for us because of the immeasurable blessings of Judah and Addise in our lives.

God-willing, Baby Diaz #3 will enter the world around June 10. What happens when you receive unexpected news? Chances are, it reveals something much deeper in your soul. I look forward to sharing honestly and vulnerably what's emerged from my soul as a result of this pregnancy.

Until then, thanks for joining us in celebrating our new life!

PS. In my next couple posts, I'll do my best to respond to whatever questions you post here.  :)


April L. Diaz

April has been a visionary activist her entire life. She has made it her mission to lead high performing teams and develop leaders in the margins of society while caring for our bodies, mind, and spirit. Secretly, she’s a mix of a total girly girl and a tomboy, and is still crazy about her high school sweetheart, Brian. Together, they co-parent 3 fabulous kiddos and live in Orange County, CA.