(Up Until Now) I Hate Running

I hate running. This has been my story. I've made all kinds of erroneous statements of how I've loathed running. I've ridiculously claimed that I'd rather be eaten by a lion than run. I've built all kinds of layers around this story. It's not working for me anymore.

It's all been an excuse, a facade, a cover up.

A few weeks ago I made an emotional commitment to run the LA half marathon with World Vision and our team from Newsong, and alongside my super-athlete husband (who will be running his first FULL marathon!!). The race is on Sunday, March 9th ... in 123 days. I've started training even though official training doesn't begin for a few weeks. And I have to admit, I don't hate running. I kind of like it.

Up until now, I've hated the idea of running and what running represents for me.

A few weeks ago when I had my emotional breakthrough (or breakdown...whatever you want to call it), it revealed a couple dominant excuses and lies I've been living under for years. As I tearfully made my public commitment, I began realizing what running has represented for me.

First, I've hated running because I'm not good at it. It's painful. I look stupid. I'm slow. I'm far from competent, an expert, or pretty when I run. Running reveals my ugly self, a self I don't like to expose or live in. I've hid behind "I hate running" because I don't like to feel much less broadcast my weaknesses. I like to put my best foot forward, and running doesn't let that happen. Running chases down my weaknesses and forces me to confront them.

Second, I have a traumatic experience around running. When I was in elementary school my best friend's mother was brutally attacked while she was running. It seared something deep in my soul. I associated running with trauma. The two were inextricably bound with one another. Since I was a little girl running represented being hurt, lives being destroyed, and years of heartache. It wasn't worth it to me.

But I brought those lies into the light. I've decided they will not have the final word in my life. I will overcome this hurdle.

Brian has been begging me to run with him for a couple years. My health necessitates I take better care of my body. I want my kids to grow up with a fit momma, not an excuse-filled momma. My friends at Newsong have been urging me to join their cause on behalf of our friends in Malawi. For a very long time I've known I need to run this race, but I've made excuses. Natural limitations and these lies have won the race. No more.

I'm running. I'm running for life. I'm running for my health and family. I'm running because the truth has set me free. I'm running because I want to be an obedient woman more than anything else.

Up until now, I hated running. This is my new story.

If you want to partner with me as I run for life and clean water in Malawi, I'd be honored. You can support me HERE.


April L. Diaz

April has been a visionary activist her entire life. She has made it her mission to lead high performing teams and develop leaders in the margins of society while caring for our bodies, mind, and spirit. Secretly, she’s a mix of a total girly girl and a tomboy, and is still crazy about her high school sweetheart, Brian. Together, they co-parent 3 fabulous kiddos and live in Orange County, CA.