You are There

My friend, Dave Brubaker, graciously read through my entire blog in one morning and gave me these verses as a reminder of God's power and closeness in the midst of our pain. In these past couple years, I have experienced God in this way. I pray for you now that if you are "there", you will meet God "there", too.

Psalm 139:8

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

Psalm 84:5-8

⁵ What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.
⁶ When they walk through the Valley of Weeping,
it will become a place of refreshing springs.
The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.
⁷ They will continue to grow stronger,
and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.
⁸ O Lord God of Heaven’s Armies, hear my prayer.
Listen, O God of Jacob.


Valley of Weeping/Baca:
Valley of tear shrubs, valley of dejection. A sandy, dry, and barren expanse.

Expedite

You may have heard that our estimated wait time to bring our babies home is 14 more months. Boo. We don't like that. Our agency is conservatively projecting 5-7 more months until referral and then an additional 6 months until we travel to bring them home. Ugh.
So... We are asking you to pray. My ever-so-faithful-in-prayer mom recently emailed me the following,
Re: waiting room?

"I’ve had one word appear over & over & over since you originally told us that the wait was going to be longer... EXPEDITE. That’s been my continual prayer.

Lord, we want YOUR will to be done; we want the children you have planned for April & Brian. But if there is any way that this can be EXPEDITED, that’s my prayer for them..."

I had another friend email me, "I personally defy time lines; I ask for the impossibles."

We've also heard from our agency that we could be in the "wait room of referrals" anywhere from #3 to #30. In my hubby's words, "3 is good! 30 is not." Therefore, we could get our referral very soon. Or it could be as they expect.

Would you pray that the God who controls all time lines, births, matching of families, and "gotchya days" brings our babies home sooner than expected? EXPEDITE. There are 2 little ones out there who need to be Diaz's. EXPEDITE.

Yet, "not my will, but yours be done."

Useful Time

I didn't expect that getting on the wait list would actually be hard...really tough. For 2 1/2 years we've been actively working on expanding our family, and when we got on the wait list that was officially the end of our active work. Wait. Now we just wait. For maybe a year or more, wait.

I didn't expect the tsunami of emotion that came with what I thought would be good news. So, I called a friend. My dear friend, Erin, is on the same journey that we're on, but they've been dreaming of adoption for a decade and have been on a wait list for a year. She gets it. She gets me. Over tacos and sitting next to her 4 year old son playing Star Wars on PS2, Erin passionately, convincingly shared how she's committed to being on this wait list as "useful time". Nothing is wasted to God, especially waiting. Erin pointed me - as she has countless other times throughout our journey - back to truth. She reminded me that during her own waiting she has actively read, learned, prayed, talked with people, advocated for adoption/foster care, and served. She has not wasted this past year.

Erin also reminded me that sadness and growth can co-exist. Just because I'm missing my babies, lamenting our separation DOES NOT MEAN that I am not growing. Contrary, I am expanding daily. And I am committed to not get stuck in my sadness but to make the most of these days of waiting and absorb the good and the bad.

I don't know what I'd do without Erin and many other friends who've walked closely with me over the past 2 1/2 years. If it weren't for them, I fear how much time I would have wasted thus far. Thank you, dear friends.

I will use this time well.