My Body. Our Life.

Though it's been a year since our last infertility treatment, this past week I've been bombarded with infertility realities or possibilities. A dear friend who thinks she might have PCOS. A reality TV show that talked about their struggle/decision to do IVF. Another dear friend who just finished all the initial infertility tests I did a couple years ago. A couple friend whose IVF cycle just failed. It's all around me. Reminding me of our journey - decisions, pain, confusion. Reminding me of God's closeness and tenderness during those testing and treatment days.

One of the more difficult parts of the process was the dual reality that while it was my body handling the medical treatment, it was our life that was affected. My body was going through the medications, injections, ultrasounds, blood tests and doctor probings. But it was our life together that we were making these decisions for.

If there was one thing I could suggest for other couples struggling with conceiving/infertility, it would be this: make ALL your decisions together. Don't make a decision until you can be truly together on it. While it is the woman's body going through the drama/trauma of infertility, it truly must be a partnership - down to the very last doctor appointment, drug, or injection. The physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual demands of infertility demand partnership to get through it together.

Partnership is one of the greatest gifts my infertility gave me. Partnership with my God. Partnership with my man.

This picture was taken days before our last treatment failed...doing it together made going through it possible.

Ethiopia Squared

It's kinda funny [in a dark, twisted way] because just this morning I was talking with my brother about how okay we are right now in this waiting process. In fact, I told him that out of the past nearly 3 years of trying to start a family, I've never been so content or "okay" as I've been this past month. So, it's "funny" that we received some unfavorable news today.

The Ethiopian government announced today that all prospective adoptive parents must travel twice to Ethiopia: 1st time for the 1st court date + 2nd time to finalize their Ethiopian adoption allowing us to bring them home. Gratefully, this is not a surprise to us. CWA informed us over a month ago that this was a possibility because of 41-to-date prospective parents who've rejected their approved children upon picking them up in Ethiopia!!! I can appreciate Ethiopia's protection over their children, but it sucks for us!

A barrage of emotions and thoughts about this news...and subsequent prayer requests:

• This change is a test - another stretching - of my faith and trust in our Sovereign God. I'm so much stronger than I was a year ago, but obviously still have some room to grow!
• In my friend/boss' words today, this will enable Brian and I to see Ethiopia twice - to absorb, observe, taste, smell our babies' birth country. That will prove invaluable I'm sure as we raise them to love their history, birth country, and culture.
  
• The additional expense for this 2nd trip sucks! I'm figuring it will end up costing an additional $4000-5000.
• Bright Spot: because of the domino effect of this change, our kiddos will be U.S. citizens upon entering the country, instead of having to do another process.
  
• The hardest thing for this momma is that we hold our babies, kiss them, and fall in love with them only to leave the country without them. I can't imagine that 30-hour plane trip home. Not to mention how that would affect our babies' emotional well-being to have us come and go...

That's all we know for now. Our case manager will let us know of more details specific to our case, but for now that's the skinny.

At the end of the day, the truth is they are worth it!! Our babies are worth every hassle, change of plans, false start, dollar spent, interruption, tear, moments of frustration, and immeasurable confusion. They are worth it. So we will continue to wait. And pray. And hope.

My prayer tonight [stolen from another adoptive momma's blog]...

PHILIPPIANS 4:8-9, "Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies ."

40

I heart U2 and Psalm 40. This psalm has been significant to me at 2 critical crossroads of Brian and my life together - moving from Chicago to California and throughout our journey to expand our family. This morning I found myself singing this song again, and thought I should post it. This is a "vintage" U2 video of "40" live from Red Rocks [kinda funny to see how young Bono and The Edge look]. Love it. It communicates such a longing of God's people for the new.