A Look Back at Our Infertility Journey

Scrolling back in my computer for another document, I stumbled upon these words tonight. They screamed of my brokenness and God's faithfulness in our lives. So, I wanted to share. Please, if someone you know is currently in the mess of infertility, share our journey with them. As my friend Kelly said repeatedly, "this is not the end".

The following is unedited nearly 4 years later...

Infertility Journey Timeline

4 May 2009

August 2001

• We got married!!!  Got married young, so we totally didn’t want to have kids for 3-5 years…
• And throughout the past couple years, we keep getting the question “when do you guys want to have babies?” more & more frequently.  For a long time we shrugged off the question because we’ve loved our life together.  Our motto was, “once a parent, always a parent.  So let’s take advantage of this time that we’ll never get alone together again.”  And we’re glad we made that decision!

Circa 2003

• Told a friend of mine, “I wonder if we’ll adopt a baby from Africa before we have our own kids?”  God planted that dream in our heart for a purpose.

July 2007

• 6 years later…Officially trying to get pregnant!

January 2008                

• After about 6 months of confusing responses from my body, I decided to see my doctor.  I was sensing there was a problem with my body…things weren’t working right.

Good Friday 2008

§  Diagnosis of my infertility [PCOS], the #1 cause of infertility in women

§  Let the treatment begin!  My doctor was very optimistic that we could get pregnant.  She said most couples get pregnant within a year of trying.  If it’s longer than that, that’s what diagnoses you with an infertility issue.  While the news of my PCOS was shocking and sharp pain, we still really believed we could conquer this in no time. 

§  Brian and I talked about our “limits” with treatment.  We knew that we didn’t want to financially invest in costly treatments because of our heart/calling for adoption.  We would rather financially invest into an adoption then risky, unsure medical treatments.

§  We had no idea what lay ahead…

March-August 2008

§  Medical treatment with my OB [doctor appointments, blood tests, HSG, multiple meds, 20+ ultrasounds]

§  Did some sort of treatment or test nearly every week during that time period

§  My body seemed to be responding pretty well to the procedures

§  No answers as to why I couldn’t get pregnant during these 5 months

§  Obviously an emotional roller coaster.  Besides the stress and pain of our inability to get pregnant, the meds sent me on a hormone roller coaster.  Plus, it was a “baby boom” everywhere I looked.  A constant reminder of what I could not have.

§  Still, Brian and I were always on the same page.  One of the decisions we made was that whenever the costs to get pregnant became stretching, we would start the adoption process.  Initially, we gave ourselves until the end of 2008 to get pregnant. Otherwise, we would start the adoption process.  But we also said we would follow the suggested medical treatments until the financial part limited us.

§  March: Started reading When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd.  It’s all about our soul’s transformation throughout pain and active waiting.  It nourished and sustained me; giving new language to God’s word and my experiences. 

• May: This was also the time that I stepped into Noah’s Place full-time.  “Reluctant leader” and “painful adaption” don’t even begin to describe my soul.

August 2008

§  My OB told me, “There’s nothing else I can do for you.  I need to refer you to an infertility specialist.” 

§  God gave me a conversation with a good friend of ours [Loc Ta], and he told us that his friend is a well-respected specialist.  We called him, and immediately God opened the door for us to see him. 

§  Hope was renewed and we didn’t feel forgotten.

Sept 2008-Feb 2009

§  3 IUI (inter uterine insemination) cycles; produced over mature 20 eggs total; Never got pregnant

§  Sunday, February 15^th after I moderated the Newsong services (with David Ruis) was when I found out the last IUI failed.  Brian got the phone call and told me when I got home from church.  I felt something break inside of me, and I knew I had nothing left to give to this process. 

§  My infertility doctor said there were no foreseen reasons I never got pregnant, and that medically IVF was our next step.  Brian and I knew that we wouldn’t go for IVF.

§  At the end of February, Brian and I started talking about “when” to start the adoption process.  God laid a series of conversations in front of us that affirmed the time to begin was now.

March 2, 2009

§  We submitted our application to CWA to adopt a baby girl from Ethiopia!! 

§  Almost immediately started experiencing healing, hope, and joy in new ways.

§  We are adopting because of calling, conviction, compassion, and commitment.  Calling: years ago there was a dream and it was confirmed in Kenya.  Conviction: God’s calling to care for the widow and orphans; We can!  Compassion: our heart breaks for the needs of African children.  Commitment: to be a 3^rd culture family.

May 2009

§  Seriously, to date this has been the most painful and most transformational experience of my life.  The butterfly necklace I wear daily speaks to the cocooning, dying, and rebirth that I’ve experienced throughout this journey [Brian bought it for my 29^th birthday]. 

§  It has also radically changed our marriage – bringing healing, understanding, comfort, and intimacy like we’ve never experienced before.  This has been the most strengthening and healing circumstance we’ve ever experienced as a couple!

§  We are in the home study portion of our adoption process, hoping to bring home Baby Ethiopia within the next 9-11 months.

October 20, 2010

§  One the waitlist with CWA to bring home TWO little ones from Ethiopia

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl.

February 9th we celebrated Addise's third birthday. It was a weekend, actually, including a day at Disney (using our expiring annual passes...sob), presents, making strawberry cupcakes with homemade frosting, reading Dr. Seuss' "Happy Birthday to You!" and lots and lots of kisses.

Addise is like none other. Everyone who knows her in real life has stories and facial expressions and flamboyant words describing our daughter. She is more LIFE in her little (?) body than most anyone I've ever met in my entire life. Brian and I often swap stories after we've tucked her into bed at night. Sometimes the stories are merely non-verbals of head shaking, stifled giggles, and utter speechlessness. Brian and I are constantly remarking at her unfair beauty. She may be the most gorgeous little girl I've ever set my eyes on. We love her with intensity and beauty and (at times) exasperation. Perhaps we love her that way because she is all of those things and more.

This was a big year for our girl. She's grown in every way and way too fast at that. If a picture is worth a thousand words, how about a dozen or so? Images to capture her transformation...

The first time we laid eyes on our girl. She was 6 months old. Those eyes. Those lips. Those rolls. Those eyebrows. It's still too much to contain.

Addise was home for 3 weeks before we celebrated her 1st birthday! This was also her first taste of sugar.

Her 2nd Birthday.

It's too bad she doesn't have a personality :)

Learning to be a GREAT big sister. Yes, she's very charming.

Double true! To say she is dramatic is very undramatic. "Only the girls." I savor the moments when it's just us girls together. She still LOVES to snuggle and cuddle with me. Some of my favorite "asks" from Addise are: "Mama, rock you? Mama hold me? Mama I sit on your lap?" Words impede my ability to say how crazy I am about this one... She is the best (and worst!) parts of me and teaches me daily what it's like to live with passion and joy and energy and love and strength and humor and attitude and tenacity and tenderness and persistence and vulnerability and expectation and belief and goodness. Parenting Addise requires our best and we joyfully give it to her.

Did I mention that she's a great big sister!??! Beach sand + a billion curls = no bueno

It felt like we were potty training her ALL of this past year. Finally, she's got it. Mostly. Only during the day; not at night. Victory?

Me: Addise, can mommy take your picture? Addise: CHEESE!

She's a little fish. And kinda loves the camera.

Looking much too grown up.

Dr. Seuss character? Bath times are favorites. Maybe because they're a little more rare these days. Oops.

To say she adores her daddy is an understatement. This picture captures one moment in a series of about 5 minutes where she teased him to kiss him. But instead of kissing him, she kept licking his face. Her giggle is infamous and contagious in our home.

Playing at Disney. One of our favorite things to do as a family!

At her 3 year doctor appointment. She's in the 90% for height and weight. She's 39 inches tall and 37 pounds. Apparently she can also read upside down. Genius child.

She got the baby doll for Christmas and the outfit for her birthday. She's learning to play with her babies and accessorize. :)

There ya have it. Our girl. Grateful God chose her to be ours. I'll close with the promise of hope we gave her when we dedicated her at our church.

Jeremiah 31:17:

"They will come home and sing songs of joy on the heights of Jerusalem. They will be radiant because of the Lord’s good gifts— the abundant crops of grain, new wine, and olive oil, and the healthy flocks and herds. Their life will be like a watered garden, and all their sorrows will be gone."

Parenting is Wonder-FULL!

A few months ago, my friend Holly Delich from the REthink Group / Orange contacted me about a new book she was commissioned to write with her mom. She told me they were writing a book for parents and described it like this...

This is not a how-to book for new parents. It's a how-it's-been-done book for new parents. It's not a book for your bookshelf, but for your coffee table.

It's not just our words, but multiple families' stories and photos.

It's not for those wearing rose-colored glasses, but with sleep deprived eyes instead.

This book is not for the perfect family. This book is for YOUR family.

Parenting. It's not easy, but it's...

Full of Love.

Full of God.

Full of Wonder.

Then, she asked if she could share our family's story in the book! She wanted to share our story as an encouragement and inspiration to others whose families have been built in unexpected ways. Of course, we said YES! She wrote up a beautiful 1-page story on how God's Plan A has unfolded in our lives.

Last week I got a copy of the book and it is totally wonderful (pun intended!). It's super creative, energizing, inspiring, entertaining, and practical. Our story and family picture is featured at the end of the book (alongside a few other totally captivating families) and there's even a full-page picture of Addise in the beginning of the book.

I hope this book and our story is encouraging and helpful for others. We are so grateful - not just to be highlighted in this book - but for the beyond-comprehensible story God's writing in our family.

If you want to get a copy to remind yourself of how wonder-full parenting is meant to be or you want a great gift for a friend or you just want to see the Diaz family feature story, you can buy it HERE.

Parenting truly is full of wonder, even on the days when it doesn't feel like it at all.