Think about the last big move you had [for every member of my family of origin, this is a recent reality]. Stressful? Exhausting? Emotionally draining? Nerve wracking? Time consuming? Yes, I'm sure to most of those feelings and probably a few more.

Now think about being 2 or 3 years old and feeling all of those feelings, but not being able to rationalize it, put it into perspective, articulate your feelings, verbalize your loss and processing, and truly understand what's happening in your world.

That is the reality for kids facing adoption. That is Judah's reality as a nearly 2 1/2 year old little guy who can't speak English, hasn't had parents in a long time, and lives in a very different world that our zip code. That is Addise's reality who's spent the vast majority of her life in an orphanage.

For both of our kids, they are facing their 4th transition in their short lives!! Have you had to move homes 4 times in 1 year? Probably not. Then, throw in the fact that you now how different care takers, nutrition, bed, and surroundings and you'll get a snapshot into the kind of grieving, loss, and transition that our little ones are experiencing. It's unfathomable to me.

As I've been grieving alongside my kids for their transitions and loss, I've wondered how they felt with Brian and I coming to their 3rd home, loving on them for 3 days, then leaving them. Do they understand what's happening? Do they know we are their parents, or do they just think that we're another set of hands to hold them?
I was sharing my questions with another adoptive mom at Newsong whose adopted daughter is an adult and she said something that seared into my heart: there's something different about a mother's and father's touch - they know the difference. I don't know if research and developmental experts would confirm her words of comfort, but I have to believe that there IS something different about the way we held, kissed, and played with Judah and Addise. It seems like a supernatural thing God would do to remind them that we have not left them as orphans [John 14:18].

All I know is that since we've been back from Ethiopia [2 weeks ago today!], I've been praying for their souls to be healed and prepared for another transition AND that we'd get that December 14th Embassy date!!!


April L. Diaz

April has been a visionary activist her entire life. She has made it her mission to lead high performing teams and develop leaders in the margins of society while caring for our bodies, mind, and spirit. Secretly, sheโ€™s a mix of a total girly girl and a tomboy, and is still crazy about her high school sweetheart, Brian. Together, they co-parent 3 fabulous kiddos and live in Orange County, CA.