What I Feel the Most...

I wasn't entirely expecting it, but there it is again.

For the past 23 days, I've been over-the-moon excited for Lil' A and Baby T coming into our lives. I've saved their pictures to my phone's home screens, my laptop background, printed some for our fridge and we actually framed 2 of each of them. We are fully in love! They feel like ours already, even though we are very aware that something devastating could happen and our adoption could fall through. We deeply celebrate everyday that what was lost is now found.

What I wasn't entirely expecting what how much grief I would feel for their birth mothers. Overwhelming compassion. Deep sorrow. Soulful mourning. While I have never been able to conceive a child, a woman who was had to give hers up because they wouldn't survive without it. I cannot imagine. Simply cannot imagine that grief of giving up a child you love because of poverty.
I've found myself praying frequently for their birth family. Praying for peace. Praying for healing. Praying for comfort. Praying for restoration. Praying for confirmation that her sacrifice was courageous and right. Praying the Holy Spirit - in ways only he can - will let her know that Brian and I will passionately love their child.

Tonight I was reading my blog roll and found THIS POST. I wept as I read. It's a snapshot into my heart and a prayer I have for our children to someday find some answers for their identity. The reality is that adoption is FILLED with grief and pain, but God - as only God can do - bring beauty from ashes.

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April L. Diaz

April has been a visionary activist her entire life. She has made it her mission to lead high performing teams and develop leaders in the margins of society while caring for our bodies, mind, and spirit. Secretly, sheโ€™s a mix of a total girly girl and a tomboy, and is still crazy about her high school sweetheart, Brian. Together, they co-parent 3 fabulous kiddos and live in Orange County, CA.