12 Days of Christmas :: Hope

DAY 9 :: I am grateful for HOPE.

I've been crying a lot today in light of our news today about potentially not being able to travel in 4 days. I can't imagine not being on a plane in 4 days, holding our babies in a week. I can't imagine...

As Brian and I prayed together today and he held me as I cried - multiple times - we were reminded of our hope in God, not an Embassy date. As dear friends prayed for us tonight, God tenderly reminded me that we hope in a God who is never late. When I got home, Brian pointed us back toward Lamentations 3:19-30 [The Message]. I love the author's emotional authenticity and staunch dependence on God despite the circumstances. I want to be this kind of woman. We want to be this kind of couple...

19-21I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there's one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

22-24God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

25-27God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.

28-30When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.

Brian got another tattoo last week, and this one is most personal to us, to our story.
Isaiah 40 has been a critical passage throughout our infertility and adoption journeys. We held on to the truth that when we wait on God that he'll give us new strength and we'll soar on wings like eagles. Brian's fresh tattoo is a permanent, visual reminder of the hope we've found in God [you can see the "h" from his "hope" tattoo, too].

If you are in need of hope tonight
or are finding yourself waiting
, do yourself a favor and download Vicki Yohe's song "In the Waiting". My friend Neah plopped earphones on my head tonight and rubbed my back as I SOBBED through the song. It'll pull you toward a God who works all things together for good.

Tonight, I'm grateful for Hope that does not disappoint. Not my will, but yours be done...


April L. Diaz

April has been a visionary activist her entire life. She has made it her mission to lead high performing teams and develop leaders in the margins of society while caring for our bodies, mind, and spirit. Secretly, she’s a mix of a total girly girl and a tomboy, and is still crazy about her high school sweetheart, Brian. Together, they co-parent 3 fabulous kiddos and live in Orange County, CA.